I’ve never been so happy to embrace this cold but beautiful season – perhaps because this time last year I was being controlled by a fraternizing husband whom I was still 1 month away from escaping for good. I was on a year leave of absence with my infant and cold and lonely in our marital home- two hours from friends and family. Although I spent most of the holidays with my family, the boys and I were going to spend Christmas Day with their dad. I had never felt so isolated and paralyzed. I felt that I had to try to work things out with my husband for my children- a task proven to be impossible with an irrational person.
FF to today and he is still very irrational but what a beautiful life I have since allowing myself to embrace the new life I once thought impossible. In fact, holidays are now better without him because he never participated anyway- it was always me trying to get him to put the phone down and look at me and his children. Now, I have my boys, any they’re beautiful and fun and mini-versions of me.
I used to tell my husband that we would never get divorced because I would never even sign. Then I filed. We’ve gotten no where in a year so I fired my lawyer and will refile on my own since we now live in a different state anyway. He is still following through with his case so maybe I’ll still get divorced soon. Regardless, I find the more distance I give myself from him the more peace I have in my heart. My children are alive and healthy and I am their mother so it is my job to remain peaceful and happy for them. I must focus on the beauty we are given in this life and during this season. Some days I want to feel sorry for myself but I can’t because I’m a mother. Even if I wasn’t a mother- I can’t because I’m blessed with the air I breathe and the people with whom I’m surrounded.
Happy Winter, friends!