When I moved home this time last year, I was a shell of a woman. A small part of me was relieved that I was out of such a terrible marriage… but most of me was torn and heartbroken. My best friend, Jessica, had a similar experience the year (to the day) before. She looked at me – many times- and said, “I can’t wait to see you on the other side- you will get there and it will be so amazing.” She believed in me and if it weren’t for that, I’m not sure I’d be where I am today. I saw this recently from Mrs. Obama and thought about the friends I have and how blessed I have been:
Jessica has been the one to hold my hand and lead the way though this entire experience. Unlike my back and forth- she was able to flip the switch when her ex headed to Coocooville. She has never judged me for the back and forth, but has held my hand and pulled me out of it.
She has also taught me that “everyone has their shit.” While Jessica has kept a life-long list of Mel quotes on her phone, I have managed to keep some good Jess quotes in my head. She’s completely right, everyone has their shit. For us, it was a new normal without a husband. For others, it may be a very sick child. She brought this idea up when I met her beautiful friend who’s child had to battle cancer at a very young age. A woman I work with lost her mother this fall and her husband has recently suffered from a stroke. No one has a free ride down easy street. That is what makes us whole. It’s hard sometimes because some of our friends appear to have the easy street paved, but life is long and they will have “their shit” at some point too. When that happens, I will be prepared to help them and guide them. I reached out to the teacher at my school and let her know that I was “on the other side” of one of those “life changing years that test your humanity” and she will find it too. I also let her know that I will help in any way I can to keep her workload in order while she is out. Everyone has their shit. In other words, we all have our battles. If we’re lucky enough, we have a friend to lead us out of it.
This woman is so amazing that she reminded me it was the “anniversary” of our liberation. I haven’t thought much about my progress because I have court next week and I’m just hoping to be legally emancipated from my ex. I haven’t even given myself credit for the fact that I made it a whole year in a world that I once described would be “my worst nightmare.” It’s been an amazing year of growth and now I’m looking forward to some really incredible things. I still have my moments when I take my anger out on my ex for having to share my children with him but I can honestly say that I am over him. I have zero feelings for him and I can finally see (or see what I was lacking to see) when I think about my life with him. There is nothing to be heartbroken over. I am on the other side.
Many times when people get divorced they mourn the loss of their family. I am so lucky that I even have one! I have the most beautiful little boys on Earth and they are so in love with me that they actually fight over me now. I hold them tight and say “group hug” and remind them that there are three of us and we have to share each other- and how incredibly lucky are we?!
There are numerous reasons I started this blog, but one very important reason was to share my story in hopes that it helps others-either today, or down the line at some point. I have reached out to many people in my life that have shared their stories with me and those stories have helped me to stay focused and always have hope in my darkest moments. There are three women in particular who have paved the way for my healing and growth. Each have been through a divorce and have showed me that it is not the end of the world, only the end of the life you thought you knew…but the BEST life is the one you wait for patiently. I still have a road a head of me in terms of rebuilding my life but the worst is certainly behind me. Thank you ladies- and thank you Jess for all of our celebrations and being my friend who walks a head of me and leads the way through to the other side. It really is beautiful.