After a long and at times, debilitating weekend away from my children, I was forced to learn to be without them for a few days. From the moment my ex left, I was the soul provider for them and haven’t spent longer than one night away from them. This weekend, I spent four nights away from them and although I forced myself to stay busy, it was really difficult.
On top of it, my ex and I haven’t been getting along at all and although required by law, he wasn’t working with me to allow me to communicate with the children while they were with him.
So I sucked in the morrow of these feelings and I cried and I was angry and I plotted against him and I researched how I could get full custody and I was in a fit of rage and I let it all out…
Then I woke up Monday morning and realized this is not how I want to live my life. That morning I posted this on Instagram:
For myself and my children- although they were totally unaware of the anguish I was feeling- I have to be strong and get along with their father and let GO of any anger I have towards him and whomever has seemed to take my place in his life. The truth of it is, we loved each other and we bought a house together and had two beautiful children together. I can’t hate him. My friends and family can continue to hate him, and I will not engage in any further negativity he has to offer but it serves no purpose to totally ignore him or hate him and his girlfriend. In fact, it only hurts my children and it is my job to protect them.
So I am choosing happiness. I understand how co-parents can hate each other because when children are involved, they use them against each other. I am choosing to attempt a peaceful co-parenting relationship with my ex. I have come to peace with the idea of my children being with them because he is their father. It is dangerous for me to drop my children off at a place with two people that hate me. I have said things that I am not proud of and I am done being the antagonist in my story. I am ready to be the hero for my children so they never have the ability to say I had a negative impact on their relationship with their father. I will continue to protect them, but not fight with him.
My plan this week is to apologize to my ex and his girlfriend for the way I have acted. Then, I have done my part. They may still chose to not communicate with me but I have to let go of anger and bitterness for what he has done to me and have faith in the universe for what it will bring to me. There is really no other way to truly live…