(from the Cranberries)
Recently I’ve been dealing with lingering effects of my divorce. I was kinda set back when I received the email and paperwork for the sale of our house. I’ve had to push the the materialistic elements of this relationship out of sight and out of mind to focus on my children and career but now that they are all rolling again, so to speak, some things crept up to me. It was really difficult to see the names of the people who are going to be living in and taking over my dream home. I reached out to my old neighbors who I probably haven’t spoken to in a year once I received the house emails. I wanted to let her know that the sale is going through and to apologize again for the way things went down. When my ex was out of town or working, they were always there for me. The couple next door and their adorable son were very supportive to me. They also had an impeccable yard and once we moved out, ours wasn’t cared for and the husband ended up cutting the grass for us. I know I had almost no control over the situation, but I’m more proud than to let my home go. It was painful. I put some serious blood, sweat, and tears into that place, customizing it to my liking and personality. It was seriously amazing, perfect for our family, and I thought it was the only house I’d ever live in…
The funny thing is, I was talking to someone the other day and mentioned that losing my house was the most painful part of my whole story. If you had asked me a year ago, I would have said that losing my only chance at a nuclear family was what pained me. When I reflect on this, it really speaks to how far I’ve come. It’s actually amazing. I have to allow myself to feel the pinch of losing my first home because my second home is right around the corner and that is going to feel even better because of all the work I put into myself to get it… My little family and I will be on our own again in June and I don’t have to ask anyone to agree on paint colors with me. I also have all summer off to paint our new home and design it to my liking- without having to run any changes by anyone. Even better, this house is near all my friends and family!
We had an awesome time at a birthday party yesterday and although they can sometimes be hard and a lot of work for a single mom, it was awesome to be around all my people- for the second time in a week! So, although the reality sometimes hurts, I am allowing myself to feel the pinch, and then absorbing all of the joys that came out of my life detour.