About Me (Mommy Mels)

Why this single mom is NOT mad at Kristin Cavallari (and neither should you be)

Single momming

What a great time of year, right?  End of summer… school is starting. Hearts are warm.

I am back to work which means I have more time to myself- ironic, but my 90 minute planning period is 90 minutes alone I didn’t have most of the summer unless I was sweating it out in the gym OR my kids were with their dad.  My kids are with dad this morning, so I am enjoying coffee and Kings of Leon alone in my bedroom; I’ve been awake since 6 am because my brain doesn’t turn work or mom off.  I appreciate this time and capitalize on my time without my children to keep my sanity.  I would give it up in a heartbeat to have my children 24/7 but that is not fair to them.  They need time with their dad and his family as much as they need their mother.

While back at work this week I saw a headline in the news about single moms being “outraged” with her “single- mom” comment…

Kristin Cavallari Huff Post article

The first “feeling” I got when I read this was one of empathy.  Before I had no husband, I had an absentee husband.  That was worse.  I’m not saying Jay Cutler is an absentee husband, but – he’s in Miami and she’s in Nashville, according to this article.  When we get married and say our vows we don’t visualize the time we spend raising our children alone while our husbands are out working.  THAT is hard AF. Does this woman have a nanny?  Yes.  Does her husband make bank?  Does she?  Yes and Yes.  Do I ?  Hell no, I am a teacher and my ex is has very questionable financial aim, at best.

Does that mean her shit is easy and she doesn’t struggle?  Hell no.  Everyone has their shit.  She has to do all of the things I do alone and it is hard.  For every single mom, there is a probably a married mom out there with a husband who’s at work she doesn’t see him as much as she wants… (to say the least).  I’ll be honest, I take my kids to the Y in the summer and see all the stay-at-home moms who fight for their husband’s attention as much as they can… and dad’s want to be around (and most don’t need to find attention elsewhere like mine).  But they are torn between emails on the phone and answering texts about work while trying to get in some pool time with their children.  These woman go to swim meets without their husband, they go to tumbling classes without their husband…and they feel sad that he can’t be around.  I’ve been there.  I know what it’s like and it is heartbreaking at times.

This life of a mom who does more than dad because dad has to work is a choice, but that doesn’t make it an easy one.  Having children is a choice, but that doesn’t make it easy.  Wive’s who pick up the domestic slack while Husband is away working don’t have it any easier than this single mom… in fact, I believe in many ways it is more difficult.  My marriage didn’t work out and I have an opportunity to choose a partner who is around every night for dinner and on the weekends.  In the meantime, I have a couple mornings and evenings when I can take care of Mel.  I typically clean my house or work out, but I do it without the fear of someone catapulting himself off of the couch on to a pile of cushions and attempting a landing on a tile floor or hardwood floor.  (I’m sure Kristin has a cleaning service-beside the point).

We all have our struggles and we all have our shit.  Just because Kristin’s bank account doesn’t match mine, doesn’t mean she has it easy.  You can call yourself a single mom, Kristin… and to those Haters who say you can’t:  they are not happy with themselves.  It has nothing to do with Kristin Cavallari.  She’s their scapegoat.  I say that about any complainers.  Let’s face it, yes we all vent – but to be truly happy, we don’t need to bash a celebrity because she’s publicly venting about her mommy struggles that we all have in one form or another.

You go, Kristin.  You’re kicking ass and taking names.  AND looking amazing.

I do wish I could afford her trainer …

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