I was so sad when I looked back at my blog and the last post was about me feeling off-balance. I haven’t felt that way in so long! I haven’t written since then because I have been having too much fun I guess? What’s funny, is that I did write a blog about the humors and ironies of “Bumble” – the dating app. The majority of this post (still saved in drafts) is a list of all the things I loathe about trying to find and meet a decent human, male specifically. I deleted the app after canceling probably 4 dates with potentially decent humans. Luckily for me, the one I was destined to meet, asked me for my number just prior to my deleting the app. He’s wonderful. I may have to show him my cynical “Bumble” post and see if there’s anything to add from the male perspective.
I cannot be thankful enough that I chose a profession that allows me to spend the whole summer with my children. We have spent the summer back and forth between the beach, the city, and our pool. We’ve laughed a lot and most importantly, caught up with all the lost time we experienced with my parents when my mom was receiving chemo treatments the last two summers. Not enough can be said about an attitude of gratitude and the positive effects it can have on the soul.
What I am most thankful for is the answer I finally received in my heart about the father of my children. Because I am in the most vulnerable state with him- he’s the person who cares for the center of my world from time to time- I feel like I’ve been in this bubble of his gaslighting – this is a form of abuse where the abuser makes the victim question his or her sanity and abilities to perceive reality. For example, when we would disgree on something he would say these triggers such as “it’s all in your head” or his favorite, I’m “batshit crazy.” This came to my attention when I listened to an awesome podcast on “Stuff Your Mom Never Told You” – seriously, check it out.
As the ladies in the podcast explain, it’s very freeing to be able to put a name to the treatment you’re receiving from someone. This also started my investigation into Narcissism. My ex is surely a Narcissist but some of the things I’ve been reading are really bringing to light how very naive I was in my marriage and how I can take control of my thoughts and feelings now.
Stay tuned : )