Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

Vacation in Arrears

I started this post a while ago, not because my ex was going on his second exotic vacation this year, (he is) but because I am disgusted with the child support system my family has had to deal with.

Then I came across this across this article:

Travel Ban for Parents Who Don’t Pay Child Support

Interesting article from Australia.  The problem with the article is that it only takes one’s Passport.  How about a driver’s license?  If he is over 45 days late.  This means NO payment has been made in 45 days… and this is only if the custodial parent has gone to court to have the case enforced.  This process can take over a year.

What am I even talking about?  I can only speak for the system in Maryland.  I actually don’t live in Maryland, but couldn’t have my case transferred to my state until it was enforced in Maryland.   The social worker’s manager told me they had no way to verify payments already made.   I tried for a year. Called weekly and even offered to go to the social workers office to log into my MD Human Resources account to verify payments.  I offered to send my bank statements.  After a year of calling and meeting and sending paperwork, I conceded my loss and applied for enforcement in Maryland.  I had been avoiding this task because I knew it meant having to drive two hours away to the county our case had been heard.

To clarify, I had a “collect and disperse” case.  When I was divorced, the one thing the state did in my favor was explain that it was my right to request my ex’s wages be garnished for support payments.  At that point, I had never received regular payments so that was the arrangement, they would be garnished from his checks.  When he decides not to work, because he’s in full-commission sales, my children do not receive support.  Arrears added up, and the only way to have that addressed is to have the case enforced.  Ok, problem solved.  Except that process also took a year.  I applied; the application was lost.  I called; she sent me a paper copy.  I verified my payment.  Finally.  After a few months, we had a date.  My ex husband and I sat down with the assistant DA and agreed on a number he owed the children.  This would be resolved by adding to his monthly payments until the arrears were paid off.  The payments would now be 15% more.

That’s it!  That is it.  Two years, balanced hasn’t changed.  The weekly payment is more, when I receive it.  Now, what happens when I receive $60 for the children over two weeks instead of $600 I need to help pay for childcare?  Nothing.  If he doesn’t work, I don’t receive support.  In the words of my attorney, “That’s the system.  I didn’t say it’s a good system.”

What happens when he spends $4,000 on vacation but owes his children $6,000?  Nothing.  Two separate cases. I could go on and on but my point is to expose a flawed system.

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