OK, to the nudge of a good friend who’s been there through it all for me…I am going to finish my post on dealing with a Narcissistic Co-Parent. I have always known that my ex (well since the point in which he showed his true colors) was a Narcissist…but it wasn’t exactly an a-ha moment until I started my research.
I came across this amazing article on Facebook…
When I read this article, I began to realize exactly why my ex and his flying monkey (girlfriend) are able to make me feel so terrible. It was life-changing. The article, along with the fact that none of us were getting along, prompted me to go to a therapist to seek help in co-parenting with very uncompromising people. At first I was drawn to the article because I have very situational anxiety. I never had anxiety before I met my ex-husband. When we were married, and even before that, I felt very anxious all of the time because I felt like I had all of our shared responsibility on my shoulders alone. Still, my anxiety can be directly linked to him but I am able to recognize it and deal with it.
What was so astounding to me was the fact that both my ex and his girlfriend were constantly abusing me. They are both awful to me, but he is very verbally and emotionally abusive. Today, for example, he called me an “idiot” and “retarded” because of an email I wrote our son’s school asking if “my ex-husband” could please be added to the email distribution list. He felt the need to write the administrative assistant back with “by ex-husband she means her son’s father.” I was so embarrassed but mostly for him. This is an example of his true, Narcissistic behavior. It has nothing to do with our son. He didn’t even use punctuation and yet accused me of not being professional. Nothing to do with our son. This was simply a need for him to receive attention and try to make me look bad because that makes him actually feel good.
Narcissists lie and sabotage others to feel better about themselves. I know all of my ex’s weaknesses and insecurities. I know that they exist, even though he strives to portray the idea that he has none. I bought this book at the beach that I posted on my Instagram and it guided me through endless situations that I have been through with this man that exemplify a Narcissist.
Once I was able to put a name to this abuse I was receiving, I was able to put a stop to it. I have had amazing support from my friends and family, but seeing a professional about the situation helped me realize that I’m not crazy, I’m dealing with someone with a disorder. His main goal in life is to make me feel crazy. She simply said, “You tell him you will discuss “who, what, where, when” about the children and only communicate with the girlfriend in emergency situations. I have stood by this policy since then and my “care-factor” has greatly decreased. Before, I was wound up in the idea that enough time has passed, we should all be civil and friendly. Now, I know that is simply not possible and I accept that. I could never be friends with him. He is a Narcissist who, when “done” with the people he’s dealing with, chews them up and spits them out. He uses people for what they have to offer him and when he’s not receiving anything else from the relationship, he cuts the person off.
Narcissists also have no empathy. I used to assume this just meant that they can’t put themselves in another person’s shoes. What it also means is that they simply do not care how other people feel. They do not care because it does not serve them. He does not see anything wrong with how he abandoned his family because it positively affected him. That made it OK… Narcissist’s do not concern themselves with how others feel unless it directly affects them.
I think a lot of men and women probably deal with Narcissists and don’t even realize it. Many are married to them. For a long time I used to just write off my ex-husband’s behavior by thinking he just has a “salesman’s personality.” Once I discovered my reality and behavior patterns to anticipate from him, his silly name calling and incessant anger towards me barely even phases me. It’s very freeing.