About Me (Mommy Mels)

Chronicles of Dating at 36

I came across this meme on the Gram that had me in tears:

It’s pretty accurate.  I also love updating my peeps on my dating life because it is a guarantee to have all of my friends hysterics. At our most recent girls night, my high school friends told me I need to start a podcast on this topic.  While it is humorous, I’m not sure I have that much material.  I need to have some guest bloggers weigh in on this topic as well.

The last year of dating for me was entertaining for sure.  Most of the fall I didn’t date.  I am sure I went on a couple dates, but I mostly flirted with a friend who kept me out of trouble. Oh- I did go on a few dates with an ex-lover.  He spent the whole weekend with me and then was engaged to someone else about 4 months later.  Poor girl has no clue.  I went on a couple more dates…come spring I met a fellow who refused to take his hat off and then accused me of trying to change him.  I saw recently that he put a “trump 2020” (the only time you won’t see me using correct capitalization) on his truck.  BULLET DODGED.  What’s sad is that he has a daughter and yet is promoting a racist, rapist.  He’s also in a new relationship.  The best part, I have an “fista” Gram account (as my students call it) for my fitness obsession and BOTH these fools have tried to follow me.  We’re not cool, just so we’re clear. Day Ones- am I forgetting anyone?

Red flags continued.  This is a total red flag for me- if you’re so happy with the woman your with, why are you trying to follow me on social media?  Neither will ever read this post- just exposing what’s out there in the land of the leftovers.

The last date I was on was the last day of school.  I’ve spent all summer in love with my children and traveling like a rolling stone.  There are no words for the positive effects this has had on me.  The connections I’ve made and maintained are saved for another post.

It’s so important to continue to recognize red flags and dodge the bullets that come in the form unstable men.  I have one more fabulous trip before I dive back into the job that I love.  I may, mayyyyy get back on the dating scene in the fall.  I have still only been single for 4 years.  I don’t want to look back 30 years from now and think that I didn’t give myself enough time to re-create myself after my divorce.  My children need me all of the time and they will get every fiber of my being that they request.

Most importantly, what is mine will find me.  It may be in 5 months, 5 years, or when I’m 50.  I’m not worried about it because my life is so full.  I’m going back to school to become a school psychologist because there is a overwhelming demand for this career.  I am fully positive that I will find love again and I will fulfill my dream of becoming the millionaire next door so I can enjoy all of the things my family has taught me to desire.  In the meantime, I’ll continue to sprinkle all of my dating experiences, that I simply can’t make up, into the world of my followers.

About Me (Mommy Mels)

Three Rotations Around the Sun

Ok so while I don’t write at work, I’m doing hall duty and it’s far too distracting to get anything worthwhile done.  Our kids are awesome- don’t get me wrong.  Our systems have narrowed it down to just a few that don’t follow policies but I’m blessed to have fans who stop and chat with me on their way to the bathroom while I’m out here.

This past Thanksgiving marked three years since my ex “Ninja Vanished” on us. I could not be at a better place. I am blessed to spend the majority of my time with my children and I feel like I have mastered the art of making the most of my time while they are with their dad.  I’ve realized that the best way to spend my time is in self-care.  Many times that means I’ll fill my night up with the gym, maybe some sushi take-out, and cleaning or organizing my house.  Maybe one night a week I’ll go out to dinner with work friends.  I also go to bed early and catch up on uninterrupted sleep.  It’s not always easy- especially because as I write this- tonight is a Monday and they are headed to dad’s tonight… I’ll miss them, and never a day goes by where my heart doesn’t ache without them.  But, alas, it is what it is.  I’m doing the best I can.

I can say, that as long as I am with my children, I am as happy as I could be.  I have short, short moments when a friend in a happy marriage gets to do something incredible with her husband and I think- How did I screw that up so badly?  But- they’re short.  I had some entertaining insight this weekend when my ex accidentally sent me a long list of screenshots taken of our conversations…including his call log…to show his girlfriend all of our correspondence.  Whoopsie on his end!  I had to call him out- my mom yelled at me for even responding- but it was an impulse thing.  I just said “wow” and “why doesn’t she realize I’m the LAST person on Earth she would need to worry about?” and “It’s sad, and why would she want to isolate herself from me?” That about covers my reaction.  And it was exactly that.  A reaction.

I had to reel myself in and remind myself that I am not dealing with sane people.  My ex-husband has a personality disorder and as my mom reminded me, his girlfriend takes her clothes off for money- clearly not a stable person.  She is very threatened by me- a concept I understand but nonetheless cannot wrap my head around.  Immediately after my reaction, it was turned to “my fault.”  “Because of things I’ve said in the past” she needs to know all that is said between us.  I can’t even remember what I could have said- but the point is, that is a typical response from a Narcissist.  It has nothing to do with me, but he must deflect his  shortcomings onto me.  That is how he functions.  In addition, I found out that he has me in his phone as “Lucifer” with the middle-finger emoji next to it.  Again, his shortcomings, not mine.  It is sad that I have to share my children with someone who has such blatant disrespect, but this is the cross I have to bear.  I wouldn’t trade my children for anything in the world and I have an incredible support system to remind me of all of my blessings when I’m faced with any abuse from their father.  It’s up to me to react to him.  Reacting to him is acknowledging the abuse.  I need to remember that next time.  Sorry mom, you were right.  As always.

As we go into the holidays, it’s amazing to reflect on where I’ve been and where I am now.  I have no pain in my heart like I have in previous years.  I have only joy when I’m with my children and family.  I do not feel like there is anything “missing” from our family, despite my being a single- parent.

On a side note- This past weekend my mom brought some wrapping paper to my house and it was exactly the roll from Walmart that I was going to get…until I saw a better deal with four rolls for the same price.  It took some searching, but I’ve realized that she and I are about the same person.  I can’t think of someone else I’d rather emulate.

About Me (Mommy Mels)


When I talk to my friends about where I am in life, in terms of recovering from my divorce and being ready for something serious, my response is that I am still off-balance.  There is something that feels off still.  I don’t feel like I am ready for anything serious yet, but also, nothing in that category has come along.

Perhaps my heart was waiting for what it always knew…that my husband was always a cheater.  Recently, I had an a-ha moment.  By accident, my phone brought up a number that I had saved.  It was the number of a girl that used to work for my ex.  I had it in my phone because I used to help him with some administrative stuff with his job.  He fired the girl “because she went crazy and was telling crazy lies, like she wanted to tell you (me, his wife) that we slept together.” He even showed me the texts.  He said, “look at this lunatic and her lies!” She quit/got fired/whatever.  Never heard from her again.  I totally believe him.

Holy crap.  This asshole 100% slept with her.  This happened around Thanksgiving when we had an almost-1 year old and when, I believed, we were very happy.  Originally when we were breaking up and he had an affair, I always believed that it was because he became so unhappy.  That wasn’t the case.  He always cheated.

I will be honest, I tried reaching out to the girl.  I wanted some kind of corroboration to this story that left my heart hurting.  She has 4 different Facebook accounts.

This morning I came across this meme and boy does it hit home.

My ex recently had another baby with his current girlfriend.  Friends have wanted to know how I feel about that.  Indifferent about the baby and relationship, very sorry for the girlfriend.  I really feel like she is his next victim but she won’t have the cushion to land on that I did.  He’s winding himself up in another spiral of debt and over-committing to financial obligations that I know he can’t fulfill.

In no way to I miss my ex.  Being with him would be a total living nightmare.  I don’t even miss the “family dynamic” I thought I had anymore.  I am so happy with my little boys.  My soul, 2 years and some months later, is just still off – balance a little.  I have a very cynical view on men.  Many man I’ve gone on dates with have in fact cheated on their wives too.  Do they all cheat?  I have friends, married friends, who insist they do.  Who knows.  When I stop caring I’ll know that I am more balanced.  In the meantime, it’s momming and fun with friends and family.  I am feeling very positive about this summer as well!  How could I not?  I’m off for 9 weeks.

It takes a really long time to get through a divorce.  It’s not easy.

About Me (Mommy Mels)

What it means to be a BOSS

What makes someone a boss?

Being humble and taking care of shit.

Every day I strive to be a boss lady. I no longer desire to be THE boss lady… but maybe someday? In the meantime I’m not even working towards the classes that would require.

So what am I doing? I’m humble AF and know that all I have is a blessing. I only became a boss after I lost it all and had to work to get it all back. There’s my humble piece.

Taking care of shit is a whole other realm of responsibility.

On New Years Eve, I had to show a girl at the bar that I was a boss. This beautiful tall millennial threw a little hissy fit because I “got in front of her” in line at the bar. First of all sweetheart, this is a bar, there is no line. Second of all, what are you drinking? Two Long Islands. Got it… two seconds and smiles later, drinks in hand. Are you paying for my drinks? Yes. Thank you! Kiss? Sure. Happy New Year!! Darling, real women don’t speak to each other like that. Happy New Year.

The next morning, my sweets wanted to know how the heck I had a $54 tab for two drinks for us?! Love, I had to show a girl what is like to be a boss. Wow Mel, that’s an expensive lesson.

It was, but I have that money because I work HARD for it. In the New Year, I’m tightening up even more because a boss takes care of shit. My children will always be taken care of before me and as I’ve always be taught to worry about the future, I am buggin a little about paying for college etc. My children will know what it was like to be raised by a boss – JUST like I was- and in addition, I’m a Lady Boss. They will respect the hell out of women as well.

The other day my 4 – year -old received a lesson on doing laundry. Again- I was taking care of shit. Putting their clothes in the laundry basket is one of their nightly chores. One they won’t receive training on from their father- that was my bad. Before I was a boss- this is MY LIFE and it is beautiful.

Be a boss.

About Me (Mommy Mels)

Why this single mom is NOT mad at Kristin Cavallari (and neither should you be)

Single momming

What a great time of year, right?  End of summer… school is starting. Hearts are warm.

I am back to work which means I have more time to myself- ironic, but my 90 minute planning period is 90 minutes alone I didn’t have most of the summer unless I was sweating it out in the gym OR my kids were with their dad.  My kids are with dad this morning, so I am enjoying coffee and Kings of Leon alone in my bedroom; I’ve been awake since 6 am because my brain doesn’t turn work or mom off.  I appreciate this time and capitalize on my time without my children to keep my sanity.  I would give it up in a heartbeat to have my children 24/7 but that is not fair to them.  They need time with their dad and his family as much as they need their mother.

While back at work this week I saw a headline in the news about single moms being “outraged” with her “single- mom” comment…

Kristin Cavallari Huff Post article

The first “feeling” I got when I read this was one of empathy.  Before I had no husband, I had an absentee husband.  That was worse.  I’m not saying Jay Cutler is an absentee husband, but – he’s in Miami and she’s in Nashville, according to this article.  When we get married and say our vows we don’t visualize the time we spend raising our children alone while our husbands are out working.  THAT is hard AF. Does this woman have a nanny?  Yes.  Does her husband make bank?  Does she?  Yes and Yes.  Do I ?  Hell no, I am a teacher and my ex is has very questionable financial aim, at best.

Does that mean her shit is easy and she doesn’t struggle?  Hell no.  Everyone has their shit.  She has to do all of the things I do alone and it is hard.  For every single mom, there is a probably a married mom out there with a husband who’s at work she doesn’t see him as much as she wants… (to say the least).  I’ll be honest, I take my kids to the Y in the summer and see all the stay-at-home moms who fight for their husband’s attention as much as they can… and dad’s want to be around (and most don’t need to find attention elsewhere like mine).  But they are torn between emails on the phone and answering texts about work while trying to get in some pool time with their children.  These woman go to swim meets without their husband, they go to tumbling classes without their husband…and they feel sad that he can’t be around.  I’ve been there.  I know what it’s like and it is heartbreaking at times.

This life of a mom who does more than dad because dad has to work is a choice, but that doesn’t make it an easy one.  Having children is a choice, but that doesn’t make it easy.  Wive’s who pick up the domestic slack while Husband is away working don’t have it any easier than this single mom… in fact, I believe in many ways it is more difficult.  My marriage didn’t work out and I have an opportunity to choose a partner who is around every night for dinner and on the weekends.  In the meantime, I have a couple mornings and evenings when I can take care of Mel.  I typically clean my house or work out, but I do it without the fear of someone catapulting himself off of the couch on to a pile of cushions and attempting a landing on a tile floor or hardwood floor.  (I’m sure Kristin has a cleaning service-beside the point).

We all have our struggles and we all have our shit.  Just because Kristin’s bank account doesn’t match mine, doesn’t mean she has it easy.  You can call yourself a single mom, Kristin… and to those Haters who say you can’t:  they are not happy with themselves.  It has nothing to do with Kristin Cavallari.  She’s their scapegoat.  I say that about any complainers.  Let’s face it, yes we all vent – but to be truly happy, we don’t need to bash a celebrity because she’s publicly venting about her mommy struggles that we all have in one form or another.

You go, Kristin.  You’re kicking ass and taking names.  AND looking amazing.

I do wish I could afford her trainer …

About Me (Mommy Mels)

What you can expect with a 5-day cleanse (of your own design)

In my last post, I listed 6 changes that I wanted to make to sort of re-focus my goals.  After about 3 days I realized I needed a straight detox from my vices.

For 5 days, I decided to give up/obstain from the following:


Any white flour products

ANY spending


Caffeine (no more than 2 c/day-I’m still a working single mom who needs to be able to function)

By the end of the 5 days I felt like a different person.  I thought the first Friday with no wine would be miserable but I was so totally engaged with my children that I didn’t even have time to think about it.  It was easy not to spend any money- just a little habit breaking.  I skipped Starbucks on the way to the Y on Saturday, but since I was cutting down on coffee, it all worked together. Most importantly, my brain fog went away.  I am still getting sinus headaches, but nothing like the head cloud I had been suffering from.  Skipping sugar meant that I spent less time in my building coordinators office because she keeps a huge jar of amazing candy in her office.  That is tough because we’re great girlfriends.  Again, this was just a matter of breaking a habit.

Everything worked together to sort-of re-ground me… I like the replenished feeling I get when I mix things up.  As a working, single-mom I easily get caught up in my kids and busy life, that I forget to practice self-care.  I work out for the endorphins and I eat well for the energy, but I don’t often sit back and assess what my lifestyle does for me.  It is a great practice to sit back and reflect upon what is working for you, and by YOU I mean your PERSON- not mom, teacher, friend (in my case) -but my soul.

I have never felt better than I have those five days… I also feel the need to clarify that although I write about fitness and a healthy lifestyle, it is merely an interest to me.  My lifestyle and dieting does not define me in anyway.

That being said, it has been about a month since my little “re-group” and I am starting a 15-day challenge on Monday, June 5th.  This challenge can be found here:


What I love MOST about this challenge is that it is entirely created by women.  As most know, I’m a huge feminist so that is a bonus for me.  Also, I work out aside men every day- it’s the WOMEN I see in the gym that make me feel the drive… We’re just too different to compare… stay tuned: )

About Me (Mommy Mels)

A list of cliches? Or self-love? Or both?

Many self-help books ask you to look inside yourself to fix your issues.  That may be true, but either way- I always go back to the gas-mask analogy from airplane flights – You put it on before giving it to your child.

The other day, I gave my son my protein shake before I drank it which is hysterical for two reasons: I was worried – should I be taking care or myself first?  And are mine the only children that love and ASK FOR protein shakes?

After some deep thought recently, I’ve realized I am really lacking in self-love.  The result of this has been a conscious out-of-balance soul and some serious brain fog.  Currently, I’m taking steps to become re-balanced.

The first thing I did was start seeing a life-coach.  We’ve met once but it was a powerful meeting. I told her I don’t even know where to start in terms of finding balance and peace. I’ve come a long way but she was very surprised by my story.  I told her I’m over the shock of the road my life has taken, but that I’m still rebuilding and I’m not sure where I am anymore in terms of what direction next?  We discussed my goals and she noted that my goals are not short, measurable and obtainable.  This is insane because it’s exactly the opposite of what I teach my students AND do for a living.  I had some serious goals in Jan/Feb/March- none of which I accomplished because they were too broad and unattainable given my lifestyle and responsibilities.

The thing she said that resonated the most was that we can “control two things in life: our thoughts and our reactions.”  I have come a long way with my reactions because I get daily practice with my ex.  My thoughts, however, are still not controlled. I want to get out of my head and control my thoughts.  I am beginning by writing them down.  This allows me to look over my thoughts and recognize and processes which are irrational.  I have a lot of irrational thoughts- some of them about being a good mom (or not) and some about how I treat my body (or not).  Time to make a change here.

My brain fog is back from last spring as well… which is honestly debilitating.  I was beginning to write it off as something from allergies but after doing some research, I think it’s a result of diet and coffee.  For someone as neurotic about their body as me, I’ve been treating it like trash.  Instead of meal prepping, I’ve been grabbing whatever is in the fridge.  I am not eating things that are necessarily bad for the average individual, but for example, I had a piece of pizza for lunch the last two days.  That is too many processed carbs and refined sugar for me.  Makes me feel bloated and [I think] gives me a headache. I have also been drinking 3-4 cups of coffee a day, which is insane.  I get 8-9 hours of sleep a night and there’s no need for me to drink that much coffee.  I’m really ready to make small changes that will lead to big results…so cliche, and yet so true!

So what are my small changes/goals?  I want to stop weighing myself at the gym because my body is solid and my weight doesn’t reflect my body fat.  I literally have no idea what my body fat and weight should be.  I’m going to look into have it measured at the Y. (Add that to my to-do list- Thank you AK White for the tip!)

I am also going to start drinking lemon water in the morning because my friend Megan told me it has made her feel amazing.

My self-love plan:

1. Write down my thoughts- especially the negative ones.  Then I can look back and re-frame them in a positive way- the way I would to a friend whom I love, hense: self-love.

2. Cut down on my coffee intake to 1-2 cups/day and replace 2 with lemon water/apple cider vinegar (mother) /BCAAs mix

3. Keep alcohol use to a minimum and only on the weekends

4. Cut out refined carbs (pizza- no, Mel.)

5. Keep track of the things that make me feel good about myself: being mindful with my children, wearing pink lipstick and nail polish, for example.

6.  Embrace happiness- I have a lot to be thankful for.  My children are beautiful and healthy, I have been blessed beyond belief by my parents and friends/extended family, and I am healthy and successful in my career- to name only a few.

So this looks like a lot, but it’s really 3 small diet changes (although they will be challenging) and three mental changes.  I am not going to “keep track” in the traditional sense, but I’ll keep notes in my “NOTES” book Kate gave me for Christmas and check in in a month- around Mother’s Day- one of my favorite days of the year: ) That is how I will measure my goals.  My goals are obtainable because they’re small changes and short because I’m going to “check in” in a month… less pressure with a “check in.” Stay tuned, friends…

Oh and I almost forgot: Coach Cristal on IG also gave me some serious motivation for making some changes.  Check her out too:

View this post on Instagram

Some people think making changes is hard (and it can be) but I think staying the same is harder.🙌 I'm thankful I committed to becoming a healthier and better me.💕 In that first photo : the green drink in my hand is a store bought green smoothie loaded with sugar and probably no vitamins, and then I added vodka to it.🙈 I was most likely convincing myself that the 'green smoothie' made it healthy. Ha! Who was I kidding?😂 There was also an energy drink next to me in this photo but you can't see it. And chances are, I had drugs in my system as well. I treated my body like shit back then. And because of that, I felt like shit too.💩👎 No energy, poor digestion, brain fog, you name it I was probably dealing with it. But I just kept living life like that for awhile. Only looking forward to the next party.🍹🍸🍻 It makes me sad looking back and thinking that my life was ever like this and that I actually treated my body like a garbage can.🗑 But I guess some of us just need to get to that point when enough is enough🙅 and that's what happened to me a few years ago when coaching showed up in my life. The Universe is always bringing us exactly what we need when we exactly need it.✨ I'm glad I listened.🤗 Now thanks to coaching I have daily accountability for my health and fitness, + personal growth, and I am surrounded by a supportive tribe of badass women bettering their lives too.👭 Could I have become healthy without coaching? Well sure I could have…but I know for me having that ongoing support from the coaching community has been life changing.💗💗💗 👉Always here if you want to chat ladies about my joining my next virtual bootcamp to crush your health and fitness goals, or about bizzznassss if you want to learn about coaching.😘 #HealthIsTrueWealth 🌿 #TransformationTuesday 💪 #FitBlissTribe 🦄

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