Dating 101 at 36 with Little Ones at Home...

7 Laughable Characteristics You’ll See if You’re Online Dating (exclusively Bumble) at 35

OK, this is a blog I’ve been working on for a while… I consulted with friends older and younger than me… and I’m between considering it a PSA to the men out there and just plain ol’ entertainment for my sis’s that are in the same boat as me.  Disclaimer, this post can sound a little judgy to those who choose plural marriage.

  1. If you’re 34, I’m 35. I have my (old) Bumble profile set between the ages or 32 and 42… I’m 35.  That should be right in the middle.  I come across men every now and then that have “34” listed as their age…they might look 45… and it’s just laughable.
  2. Your kids have been through enough; keep them off of Bumble! First of all, if you’re on Bumble, you most likely are not committed to the mother of your children.  That has it’s on complications, don’t make more for your children by posting selfies with them on your dating profile!  Second, I don’t want to see your kids, just like I don’t want to meet them, unless we are dating.  If we go out and I ask to see a picture of your children, that’s different. Don’t post them for strangers to view.  Let them be innocent.
  3. The guessing game.  I will be completely honest here- I will not date someone who hasn’t graduated college.  I need security at this point in my life. I would make an exception if I met someone with a solid trade in a union etc.  Please don’t make me guess.  I had a guy who said he was a teacher, but when we chatted, it turns out he never finished college and worked as a paraprofessional.  I almost married a guy like that.  Bullet dodged.  Just give enough in your profile so that potential swipers have an idea about your career and values.
  4. “You statements”  You need to live life to the fullest. Just stop. I’m not on here for advice honey, and I clearly don’t take it anyway or I wouldn’t be in this position in the first place.
  5. Jean Shorts. Never OK.  Never.  I see some on my high school students but they’re high school students. Please stop.  Throw them away or send pack to the 90’s.
  6. Fish Pics. This one is debatable.  I don’t mind them so much, but EVERY MAN has one… nice tuna.
  7. Negative Nancy. New to this app, all the same, same results.  I think I took that right from a guy’s profile. I was thinking, “oh that really makes me want to reach out and talk to your cynical ass!” Oh and the punctuation was wrong.

 

P.S. I’ve recently found “Hinge” as an alternative.  I’m still shook over a bumble date with a “38 year old” who admitted he’s really 52.

Dating 101 at 36 with Little Ones at Home...

Adventures in Dating as a 35-Year-Old- Single-Mom

OK… here are the facts:

  1. It’s hard
  2. It’s entertaining AF
  3. It’s STILL better than being married to a cheating ass

So I have officially been single for 2 years and divorced for 1.  I am right in the thick of my adult (single-parent) dating life.  Some really awesome things have happened to me.  I have an amazing support system that keeps me going and keeps me reminded of the fact that I am, under no circumstance, willing to settle.  My support comes from my family, my “Day Ones,” my college roomies, awesome work squad, and a few other amazing women who have always been there for me.  The most important things my village reminds me of is the fact that 1. Real men are out there 2. There are a lot of loser playboys out there and 3. I don’t need a damn either one of them. My friends and family are so much fun to be around that I truly do not feel like something is missing.

I was in a committed relationship for around 6 months with a man who was not ready to be in one.  His wounds were far too fresh and he often took this out on me.  It was difficult to identify this but as always, my people were there to help me. Eventually, I realized that, as my mom put it, “The right man will never make you cry.”  It was awful to let her see me cry but at the same time, it brought us closer and helped me realize that I had let my standards down for a few weeks and that is unacceptable.  I am first and foremost a mother and I am raising two boys to be men.  How dare I let them see me cry over someone who certainly wasn’t crying over me.

This actually ended at the right time, although I did wish I hadn’t let it go on as long as I did.  Either way, I made the decision to part ways with this fella and I have been undoubtly happier since.

Now I am dating.  I also have a few friends in the same boat and I have to say, if it is nothing else, it is entertaining AF! This a-ha moment came to me over margaritas last week with two girlfriends. Personally, I don’t want to spend a moment thinking about a man who isn’t swooning over me.  I mean, completely swooning.  Do I?  Occasionally – but definitely not currently.  My one friend is broken-hearted over a man who won’t commit to her because his family doesn’t approve of her.  My other lunch date has a ton of fun meeting new guys.  For some reason she cannot explain, she has caught feelings for her “F-boy” who is probably still hooking up with an ex and lies to her all the time.  My a-ha moment came when I realized that I am completely single and not waiting for or worrying about anyone texting me or not texting me.  I want to embrace this moment forever.  It is an amazing feeling.

That being said, I went out to dinner with a “friend” recently who has his own “stuff” he’s getting through.  I met a 25-year old at the bar who wanted to marry me but only after he checked with my bestie to make sure I’m “not a whore.”  I had 1 date with a dentist who wasn’t swooning over me, but asked me out again…only to not take me out again.  I have an old fling who wants to see me again but never drove anywhere when we saw each other before which is just strange… I also have a match.com account I can’t figure out how to delete.  Why would I want to delete it?  Because those men all seem to want to cuff up and the free sites, like “Bumble” are full of men who only want to see pics of the play-by-play of my day.

The freedom of being single and happy?  I don’t have to pay attention to any of them.  Mr. Right will swoon over me, and that’s how I’ll know.