About Me (Mommy Mels)

What you can expect with a 5-day cleanse (of your own design)

In my last post, I listed 6 changes that I wanted to make to sort of re-focus my goals.  After about 3 days I realized I needed a straight detox from my vices.

For 5 days, I decided to give up/obstain from the following:

Alcohol

Any white flour products

ANY spending

Sugar

Caffeine (no more than 2 c/day-I’m still a working single mom who needs to be able to function)

By the end of the 5 days I felt like a different person.  I thought the first Friday with no wine would be miserable but I was so totally engaged with my children that I didn’t even have time to think about it.  It was easy not to spend any money- just a little habit breaking.  I skipped Starbucks on the way to the Y on Saturday, but since I was cutting down on coffee, it all worked together. Most importantly, my brain fog went away.  I am still getting sinus headaches, but nothing like the head cloud I had been suffering from.  Skipping sugar meant that I spent less time in my building coordinators office because she keeps a huge jar of amazing candy in her office.  That is tough because we’re great girlfriends.  Again, this was just a matter of breaking a habit.

Everything worked together to sort-of re-ground me… I like the replenished feeling I get when I mix things up.  As a working, single-mom I easily get caught up in my kids and busy life, that I forget to practice self-care.  I work out for the endorphins and I eat well for the energy, but I don’t often sit back and assess what my lifestyle does for me.  It is a great practice to sit back and reflect upon what is working for you, and by YOU I mean your PERSON- not mom, teacher, friend (in my case) -but my soul.

I have never felt better than I have those five days… I also feel the need to clarify that although I write about fitness and a healthy lifestyle, it is merely an interest to me.  My lifestyle and dieting does not define me in anyway.

That being said, it has been about a month since my little “re-group” and I am starting a 15-day challenge on Monday, June 5th.  This challenge can be found here:

http://www.idealfit.com/blog/15-day-fit-body-challenge/workouts.php

What I love MOST about this challenge is that it is entirely created by women.  As most know, I’m a huge feminist so that is a bonus for me.  Also, I work out aside men every day- it’s the WOMEN I see in the gym that make me feel the drive… We’re just too different to compare… stay tuned: )

About Me (Mommy Mels)

A list of cliches? Or self-love? Or both?

Many self-help books ask you to look inside yourself to fix your issues.  That may be true, but either way- I always go back to the gas-mask analogy from airplane flights – You put it on before giving it to your child.

The other day, I gave my son my protein shake before I drank it which is hysterical for two reasons: I was worried – should I be taking care or myself first?  And are mine the only children that love and ASK FOR protein shakes?

After some deep thought recently, I’ve realized I am really lacking in self-love.  The result of this has been a conscious out-of-balance soul and some serious brain fog.  Currently, I’m taking steps to become re-balanced.

The first thing I did was start seeing a life-coach.  We’ve met once but it was a powerful meeting. I told her I don’t even know where to start in terms of finding balance and peace. I’ve come a long way but she was very surprised by my story.  I told her I’m over the shock of the road my life has taken, but that I’m still rebuilding and I’m not sure where I am anymore in terms of what direction next?  We discussed my goals and she noted that my goals are not short, measurable and obtainable.  This is insane because it’s exactly the opposite of what I teach my students AND do for a living.  I had some serious goals in Jan/Feb/March- none of which I accomplished because they were too broad and unattainable given my lifestyle and responsibilities.

The thing she said that resonated the most was that we can “control two things in life: our thoughts and our reactions.”  I have come a long way with my reactions because I get daily practice with my ex.  My thoughts, however, are still not controlled. I want to get out of my head and control my thoughts.  I am beginning by writing them down.  This allows me to look over my thoughts and recognize and processes which are irrational.  I have a lot of irrational thoughts- some of them about being a good mom (or not) and some about how I treat my body (or not).  Time to make a change here.

My brain fog is back from last spring as well… which is honestly debilitating.  I was beginning to write it off as something from allergies but after doing some research, I think it’s a result of diet and coffee.  For someone as neurotic about their body as me, I’ve been treating it like trash.  Instead of meal prepping, I’ve been grabbing whatever is in the fridge.  I am not eating things that are necessarily bad for the average individual, but for example, I had a piece of pizza for lunch the last two days.  That is too many processed carbs and refined sugar for me.  Makes me feel bloated and [I think] gives me a headache. I have also been drinking 3-4 cups of coffee a day, which is insane.  I get 8-9 hours of sleep a night and there’s no need for me to drink that much coffee.  I’m really ready to make small changes that will lead to big results…so cliche, and yet so true!

So what are my small changes/goals?  I want to stop weighing myself at the gym because my body is solid and my weight doesn’t reflect my body fat.  I literally have no idea what my body fat and weight should be.  I’m going to look into have it measured at the Y. (Add that to my to-do list- Thank you AK White for the tip!)

I am also going to start drinking lemon water in the morning because my friend Megan told me it has made her feel amazing.

My self-love plan:

1. Write down my thoughts- especially the negative ones.  Then I can look back and re-frame them in a positive way- the way I would to a friend whom I love, hense: self-love.

2. Cut down on my coffee intake to 1-2 cups/day and replace 2 with lemon water/apple cider vinegar (mother) /BCAAs mix

3. Keep alcohol use to a minimum and only on the weekends

4. Cut out refined carbs (pizza- no, Mel.)

5. Keep track of the things that make me feel good about myself: being mindful with my children, wearing pink lipstick and nail polish, for example.

6.  Embrace happiness- I have a lot to be thankful for.  My children are beautiful and healthy, I have been blessed beyond belief by my parents and friends/extended family, and I am healthy and successful in my career- to name only a few.

So this looks like a lot, but it’s really 3 small diet changes (although they will be challenging) and three mental changes.  I am not going to “keep track” in the traditional sense, but I’ll keep notes in my “NOTES” book Kate gave me for Christmas and check in in a month- around Mother’s Day- one of my favorite days of the year: ) That is how I will measure my goals.  My goals are obtainable because they’re small changes and short because I’m going to “check in” in a month… less pressure with a “check in.” Stay tuned, friends…


Oh and I almost forgot: Coach Cristal on IG also gave me some serious motivation for making some changes.  Check her out too:

View this post on Instagram

Some people think making changes is hard (and it can be) but I think staying the same is harder.🙌 I'm thankful I committed to becoming a healthier and better me.💕 In that first photo : the green drink in my hand is a store bought green smoothie loaded with sugar and probably no vitamins, and then I added vodka to it.🙈 I was most likely convincing myself that the 'green smoothie' made it healthy. Ha! Who was I kidding?😂 There was also an energy drink next to me in this photo but you can't see it. And chances are, I had drugs in my system as well. I treated my body like shit back then. And because of that, I felt like shit too.💩👎 No energy, poor digestion, brain fog, you name it I was probably dealing with it. But I just kept living life like that for awhile. Only looking forward to the next party.🍹🍸🍻 It makes me sad looking back and thinking that my life was ever like this and that I actually treated my body like a garbage can.🗑 But I guess some of us just need to get to that point when enough is enough🙅 and that's what happened to me a few years ago when coaching showed up in my life. The Universe is always bringing us exactly what we need when we exactly need it.✨ I'm glad I listened.🤗 Now thanks to coaching I have daily accountability for my health and fitness, + personal growth, and I am surrounded by a supportive tribe of badass women bettering their lives too.👭 Could I have become healthy without coaching? Well sure I could have…but I know for me having that ongoing support from the coaching community has been life changing.💗💗💗 👉Always here if you want to chat ladies about my joining my next virtual bootcamp to crush your health and fitness goals, or about bizzznassss if you want to learn about coaching.😘 #HealthIsTrueWealth 🌿 #TransformationTuesday 💪 #FitBlissTribe 🦄

A post shared by 🦄certified wellness coach🌿 (@cristal.currier) on

About Me (Mommy Mels)

Evolving

Ali Kate called me out last weekend for not blogging anymore… I remember asking her what she wanted to read about-but not her response.  I found my voice as I was scrolling through my own Facebook page instead of getting ready for work this morning.

It’s insane to me how much we can evolve in one month.  My last blog post was right after I returned from a trip to see my best friend in Boston. The trip must have really been a reset for me because I feel like I’ve changed so much in one month.

In terms of my diet, I’m “cutting” and eating a lot less- ridiculous amounts of protein still.  Struggling to get all of my workouts in because I’m so busy with my little guys and my social life.  Not complaining.

I have been spending my time doing things that suit me the best.  I had dinner this week with all of my best friends, celebrating my #1 not once, but twice this week.  Meeting new people,  getting baby boy hair cuts, catching up with old friends,  embracing professional development opportunities at work, focusing on and getting to the beginning of the forth and final marking period.  Dating a little … : )

What I have left behind is any traces of negativity from my old life.  I sold my house last week which was the final transaction in my marriage.  I omit my ex from my life as much as possible because we still have some raw negative feelings towards each other.  I try to omit him from conversations although I guess some wine may bring that up from time to time. I get along well with his girlfriend so we do most of the communicating.  I have also omitted anyone who brought negative energy to my life.  My new life was a gift and I don’t have time to have anyone threaten that for me.  We will evolve.  Not everyone evolves with us…

I am constantly reminded of the people who have evolved with me and the immense support I’ve received from them.  The lead secretary calls me “gorgeous” when she is looking for me- not because she thinks I am- but because she at school loves how all of my things call me “beautiful” or “gorgeous.”  My lunch bag from my sister-cousin says “you’re beautiful, don’t change.”  My coffee mug from Katy/Boston bestie says “Hello Gorgeous.” These are some of the things that symbolize the support I’ve received throughout the last year.  It took me a year to get through the mess but I’m through it and past it and life is beautiful.

Happy Friday, friends.

About Me (Mommy Mels)

Plot Twist

I have found myself in a serious diet/fitness rut.  I had total break through at the park in terms of my muscle growth but I’m still feeling bored.

My original plan was to “bulk” through the end of February, then maybe March since I don’t feel like I’ve put on any serious muscle weight… but then the inevitable happened during bulking and I feel strong, but fluffy.  I know that I’m not, but what happened was, I got bored and kinda quit my bulking in the 7th-8th week.  In order for bulking to work, I needed to lift all compound movements in the gym, cut out cardio, and eat at least 180-200 g/protein a day.  I also needed to eat clean in general.  I did this successfully for around 8 weeks.  Today is 2/22 and I can’t take it a day longer!  I need to either start my next phase today, or just screw it until March 1.  I have decided to compromise and give myself until Monday 2/27.  Diets always start on Mondays, right?  Ha! The GREAT news is that on my first run in 3-4 months, I realized that all the work I put in paid off because I ran 2.5 miles effortlessly.

I was a runner before having children and the pregnancies seemed to ruin my hips and back.  I’ve come back from the back injury from my first but my hips still kill me from #2.  Religious foam rolling helps.  I am also about as finicky about running as I am about food/men/wine/life in general.  I loathe running with a stroller, but I still will if I need to… I refuse to run in the bitter cold and I also refuse to run on a boring treadmill.  That being said, in November, I could barely run 2 miles without stopping about every .5-.7 miles to breathe! It was terrible.  I signed up for a 5 K with my girls in May so that I had something small to work towards.

I don’t need to worry about running because it turns out that all the muscle work I’ve done since December made it no feat for me.  It feels amazing.  The best part is that in order to cut, I need to add cardio and thanks to Global Warming, I can start now!  I only have about 2 days a week that I can run but that works.  I add cardio in other ways at the Y.

My diet is going to go back to about 1850 calories on “off”days and at least 2000 calories on days I work out. I will probably just cut out carbs during my lunch and replace them with veggies.  Everything else will stay, especially my protein intake. Someone asked me about macros and this is a great article:

Macros Info

I am still planning on starting my cutting diet on Monday 2/27 and so excited to start a new exercise regime. It is going to consist of more cardio, weekly yoga, and lifting more isolated movements. 

Monday: 2.6 mi run, yoga 

Tuesday: chest day, 16 min stepper (HAM intervals) 

Wednesday: back day, 16 min cardio

Thursday: 2.6 mi run  and shoulders

Friday: legs

Saturday: arms 

Sunday: off

FF to Saturday the 24th and I’m headed to Boston for the weekend. Very excited to see some amazing people who have been rooting for me in my journey. Life is so beautiful (side note). I am not going to worry about my diet at all this weekend because I don’t let food or anything for that matter, life. This weekend is about coming back to myself and reconnecting with amazing friends I haven’t seen in years… a perfect plot twist. My best friend of 19 years is always good for that… a little prelude to our 20th anniversary celebration vacation next year. Cheers to besties, babies, and hard work that pays off! 


Ready for take off! 

Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

Let it Linger…

(from the Cranberries)

Recently I’ve been dealing with lingering effects of my divorce.  I was kinda set back when I received the email and paperwork for the sale of our house.  I’ve had to push the the materialistic elements of this relationship out of sight and out of mind to focus on my children and career but now that they are all rolling again, so to speak, some things crept up to me.  It was really difficult to see the names of the people who are going to be living in and taking over my dream home.  I reached out to my old neighbors who I probably haven’t spoken to in a year once I received the house emails.  I wanted to let her know that the sale is going through and to apologize again for the way things went down.  When my ex was out of town or working, they were always there for me.  The couple next door and their adorable son were very supportive to me.  They also had an impeccable yard and once we moved out, ours wasn’t cared for and the husband ended up cutting the grass for us.  I know I had almost no control over the situation, but I’m more proud than to let my home go.  It was painful.  I put some serious blood, sweat, and tears into that place, customizing it to my liking and personality.  It was seriously amazing, perfect for our family, and I thought it was the only house I’d ever live in…

The funny thing is, I was talking to someone the other day and mentioned that losing my house was the most painful part of my whole story.  If you had asked me a year ago, I would have said that losing my only chance at a nuclear family was what pained me.  When I reflect on this, it really speaks to how far I’ve come.  It’s actually amazing.  I have to allow myself to feel the pinch of losing my first home because my second home is right around the corner and that is going to feel even better because of all the work I put into myself to get it…  My little family and I will be on our own again in June and I don’t have to ask anyone to agree on paint colors with me.  I also have all summer off to paint our new home and design it to my liking- without having to run any changes by anyone.  Even better, this house is near all my friends and family!

We had an awesome time at a birthday party yesterday and although they can sometimes be hard and a lot of work for a single mom, it was awesome to be around all my people- for the second time in a week!  So, although the reality sometimes hurts, I am allowing myself to feel the pinch, and then absorbing all of the joys that came out of my life detour.

Blessed.


My new Trader Joes’s bag…


They didn’t realize there’s no shore in Delaware… just beaches

Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

We can literally change in one moment…

I had a wonderful 34th birthday and woke up with my baby boy around 5:30 am today.  He is so adorable and this time is so fleeting that I don’t even care that I could barely move…  That being said, it was still struggle city getting to the Y on time for a short back/shoulder session and then Deacon’s tumble class.

When we got there, we ran into his daddy! I have barely seen or talked to my ex over the last few months.  The divorce proceedings were ridiculously painful and brought out the worst in both of us.  When I saw him this morning, he took our baby out of his stroller and carried him to the daycare for me.  We walked together but didn’t talk much and I corrected the girl when she wrote my name with my married name, since I’ve changed it back.  When we dropped the baby off, he started to walk away but I mentioned the two emails that I wrote about child support, which he didn’t respond to… He said he didn’t have anything to say because he doesn’t have any money and work isn’t going well.  We chatted for a couple minutes and he helped me to understand his work situation which hasn’t changed much since we were together.  In a very positive way, I asked that he please communicate these things with me because it helps me to understand everything and not be angry about the financial situation between us.  We then both walked back into the fitness center and got to work on our own.  Since he was close to me, I asked him something about our 3-year-old’s school and we chatted a few more minutes about other cute things about our boys.

He said “bye” when he left and I continued with my work out.  During a quick break to write down what I was working on, I stopped and thought to myself, “nothing has changed with that man, and I am so grateful that I am no longer in that relationship, but the captain of my own journey now.” I proceeded to reflect on some things about my marriage that didn’t serve me, and where my ex is now with another woman and child in his house.  I almost can’t even describe the feeling I had- but those were some of the thoughts going through my head.  To be completely honest, I am really proud of who I am and what I have made of myself and I’m so happy to not be offering that to him anymore.  I know- really know, now- that there is something big out there for me and not too far away.  Still a little far- but I’m feeling it in a way I haven’t before.

The craziest part of this moment of reflection for me was the song that came on “Beyonce Radio” at the very same moment.  “The Best Thing I Never Had” summarizes my experience with this man.  In some ways, he is the best thing that ever happened to me.  We fell in love, got married, had two beautiful kids, and then my life began.  My new life is so real- so vibrant- and so full – I know I would have none of this if I didn’t have what I had with him- good and bad.  The lyrics in this song literally brought me to tears.  I still cry over the loss of my old life and what I thought was going to me THE life for me…but today, they were really tears of joy.  Bey says, “Thank God you blew it, thank God I dodged the bullet, I’m so over you baby.  good lookin’ out.”  This is exactly how I feel.  I’m no longer even mad at him.  I get lonely and wish I had a partner, but it was never, ever meant to be him.  I was so happy because this song was speaking to me so strongly and I headed down to get my beautiful baby and take him to the tumble class.  I am so unbelievably lucky I had this experience.

The craziest part of it all was that tonight I dropped off my kids to his girlfriend and met her for the first time.  No matter what I’ve said to her in weak moments (which I have apologized for in depth) I have to admit to the world- she is adorable and perfect for him.  I was never meant to be that man’s life partner.

Today, I felt that momentous change that can happen so fast- and you’re never the same again.  I hope everyone in this world gets that privilege.

 

 

 

 

About Me (Mommy Mels)

My Birthday Related Post…

Per request of one of my biggest fans- my Heather.  What is so beautiful about this birthday is where I am today, compared to last year.  Although I’m a HUGE proponent for breastfeeding- I no longer have a baby on my boob which makes for a different birthday all together! Instead of a short, stressful time away from my kids,  I’m headed to D.C. over the weekend to spend time with my FAVORITE people, my family.

My extended family and I are very close.  My cousins are more like siblings and my aunts and uncles are surrogate parents.  Well- I’ll give it to my mom’s youngest bro and his amazing wife- they’re a little too young to be my parents but the support me and my children have received from them is a HUGE reason I was able to get through last year.  My family came to my house and packed it up FOR me.  I had a 3 month old baby and was in no state of mind to even wrap my head around that task.  I’ll be the first to admit that I had to be forced to do things last year because I only felt capable of going to the Y and home, and sleeping when my kids slept.  It was rough.  But then the sun came back out and if it we’re for my family it would have been dark a lot longer.  When my mom was sick, my aunt sent her an ENORMOUS bouquet of flowers the week of every treatment.  Everyone made meals for us and did all they could to help us make it through that rough summer.  So when I was asked what I wanted to do for my birthday this year, I said I wanted to spend time with those beautiful babies and my family.  I am so blessed, SO BLESSED to have family.  We’re actually clannish, as my mom says.

I am also so pleased that I’ve been able to inspire and help some who have read my blog.  I feel a moral obligation to share my story because it is a beautiful one, and I’ve said many times that had no one shared with me- I’d still be lost.  This story has brought me so many gifts in the form of friends and relationships.  This year is going to be another year of growth- but big girl growth this year.  I’ll have my own house again that I am going to make and keep beautiful for my boys. I also have some amazing trips coming up- to see my bestie in Boston and celebrate Kelly in Vegas…

Don’t get me wrong- I still have my moments… it’s hard as hell to feed and bathe and get two kids in bed alone… but my heart is so full.

Here’s me, on my birthday, spending time with some of my other favorite people before it’s mommy time…